free fall

my dad always used to say to me, "sometimes the safest place to be is in free-fall, because then you are forced to trust God."
I guess I believe that, but not having any idea what I'm doing with my life or even what I'm doing next fall is pretty frustrating for someone who is as controlling as I am. I have NEVER been so confused. I want to hear God's voice, but every time I believe I've finally heard Him speak, I start playing mind games with myself and end up more confused than when I started.

AND. People are hurtful. I don't get easily hurt because I don't allow myself to be vulnerable, and I don't have very high expectations of people's treatment of me. But every now and then, someone will sneak in underneath the radar and pull something underhanded and uncalled for.

Also, they make too many rash judgments. People get up on a high horse and have so much confidence in their intellectual and spiritual superiority that they think they can pigeon-hole you and your problem right away. Well I would just like everyone to know that I'm not as easily pigeon-holed as it might initially appear. Perhaps it would be better to save your judgment until you actually know me a little bit at all.

anyway. I just wanna go home.